After a while, I stop listening and go on autopilot. He’s entirely focused on himself, his career, and his future, while I find myself staring foolishly back at the past as if I were still the adolescent who, despite the braces on my teeth, was the envy of all the other girls. Of course, it’s good to see him again, although he hasn’t yet asked me what’s happened in my life since we each went our own way after graduation. He’s a year younger than me, but he looks five years older. I ask a few awkward questions, which he deftly dodges. I LISTEN to facts about government policy that I didn’t even want to know. Is that what people want from life? Is it really? There’s something very wrong with this world, and it isn’t just the wars going on in Asia or the Middle East.īefore I go to the newspaper, I have to interview Jacob, my ex-boyfriend from high school. Traveling the world once you’ve retired.” Having your children or grandchildren over for Sunday lunch. I draw out the conversation and end up asking what he thinks people are looking for in life. It looks perfect, but he shows me one or two places where it isn’t as shiny as it should be. It’s an Audi-one of Geneva’s nicknames is, after all, Audiland. “It wasn’t quite perfect,” he says, but only after having said “Good morning,” asking about the family, and noticing what a pretty dress I’m wearing. Unable to resist, I go over and ask him why. I go off to work and again see the neighbor polishing his car. I can’t vent my frustrations by trying to be Super- mom, because my children would resent me for the rest of their lives. I don’t have an obsession to occupy my mind-for exam- ple, dieting or being OCD and finding fault with the clean- ing lady who arrives at eight in the morning and leaves at five in the afternoon, having washed and ironed the clothes, and tidied the house, and, sometimes, having even done the shopping, too. I know that’s not ethical, but then not everything is. Perhaps today I’ll come up with an excuse to write an article about psychiatry and social security (the newspaper loves that kind of thing) and find a good psychiatrist to ask for help. But now it’s happened and I can’t do anything about it except take medication. I’ve always tried to meet everyone’s expectations. This is my problem the volcano has exploded and there’s no way to put the lava back inside, plant some trees, mow the grass, and let the sheep out to graze. After all, I’m the last person in the world to admit that I need help. Yesterday’s conversation did no good at all I’m starting to think that I’m headed out of the indignant phase and straight into apathy. My smile, on the other hand, grows even wider so that no one will suspect, and I swallow my desire to cry. In every minute and gesture I feel a weight I can’t identify, like an ani- mal who can’t quite understand how it got caught in the trap. Twitter: WAKE up and perform the usual rituals-brushing my teeth, getting dressed for work, going into the children’s bedroom to wake them up, making break- fast for everyone, smiling, and saying how good life is. His novel, The Alchemist, one of the most influential books of all time, has sold more than 85 million copies and has been cited as an inspiration by people as diverse as Malala Yousafzai and Pharrell Williams. He has received numerous prestigious international awards, including the Hans Christian Andersen Award and the Chevalier de l’Ordre National de la Légion d’Honneur, to name a few. Paulo Coelho’s books have been translated into 88 languages and have sold more than 320 million copies in more than 170 countries. In 2003, he received the Guinness World Record for most translations of a single title ( The Alchemist) signed by the author in one sitting and several years later, in 2009, he received a new Guinness World Record for most translated author for the same book (also for The Alchemist). He has been a member of the Academy of Letters of Brazil since 2002 and in 2007 was named a Messenger of Peace by the United Nations. PAULO COELHO is the author of many international best sellers, including The Alchemist, Eleven Minutes, The Pilgrimage, The Fifth Mountain, and Adultery, among others.